September 7, 2022

Today was a real work day. In an office setting. Interacting with other humans in real time. Super weird…

But I still made time for a jump in the lake.

There is smoke in the air from a nearby fire. The sunset was spectacular, but the sense of PTSD around town is palpable.

Q: What’s the best gift I can give myself in this chapter of my life?

Grace. Definitely grace. It is the thing I have given to/asked for from others, while being incapable of extending to myself. It’s not letting myself off the hook, or making excuses, or giving myself a pass — it’s the recognition and acceptance that I am doing the best I can, and some days my “best” will be better than other days. My default response seems to be to berate and punish myself for falling short. In a way that I would never do to a friend or lover. Which does not inspire me to change or grow, it just makes me feel bad about myself. So, grace.

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